also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
