i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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