Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
