Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
