I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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