he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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