I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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