It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
