pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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