the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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