Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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