I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
