He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
