the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
