The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
