I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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