Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
