That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
