Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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