I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
