I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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