so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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