I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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