My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
