i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
