dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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