sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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