We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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