dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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