eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
