Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
