Please, let me fuck your mom
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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