In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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