i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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