Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
