So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
