matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
