if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
