Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
