No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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