the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
