Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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