so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
