At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Please, let me fuck your mom
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
