I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
