i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
