True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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