How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
