brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
