It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
